Thursday, January 31, 2008
Ask a Star Wars fan what he thinks about the world, and you might get some mystical bullshit about hokey mysterious forces that rule the cosmos, and super powers, and revolutions that must be fought in order to 'restore balance.'
Ask a Star Trek fan what he thinks about the world, and you might get this bullshit answer about boldly going somewhere, developing better spaceships, and discovering answers that are somewhere out there in the cosmos, and 'joining the galactic community.'
Okay, one side is all dewey-eyed about inner mystical shit, and how we must become enlightened and find this 'great power' inside ourselves. Something along the lines of maybe Scientology or Transcendental Meditation. (There are of course weirder fans who entertain the idea of building an intergalactic empire and dressing up in black, but this is not the majority.) The concept of men in robes who can't get married running the government, and sometimes 'voting' for queens, is a bit disturbing to me.
This other side, with their baby-blue flag of the galaxy, and this phony 'tolerance' campaign about how we must accept bloodthirsty alien klingons into our political systems, and that life is all about wandering around living in a tin can, eating synthetic foods, and leaving your families back home to die alone while you galavant around in the name of some United Federation, meddling in the lives of other planets, hoping they'll join your secular crusade, COUNT ME OUT!
I offer to you, that these far out and somewhat esoteric shows are a pile of shit, and both sides are really a shell game designed to keep you from reading and watching REAL science fiction. They follow these shows like a cult, a massive cult, with little 3 1/2 inch idols that fill their rooms and all sort of other bizarre ritual accoutriments like phallic glowing wands, fake ears, strange hand gestures, and coded conversations, as well as redundant phrases.
They don't want you to know about Harlan Ellison, William Gibson, Philip K. Dick, H.P.Lovecraft, Stephen King, Ray Bradbury or even George Orwell.
The idea of human beings being normal, in the midst of a science fiction story, how silly, they say. We must find the 'uber-man' inside us, join secret societies of Jedi, whose initiation is a special blood test, OR, we must erase our sovereignty and our 'isolationist' egos and join the big happy blue-flagged fleet of everyone wearing the same uniforms, ditching our cultural heritages for the sake of the exploration of the big empty black vacuum that is space.
I say, screw this two sided world of phaser vs. blaster, and their idiotic alien contrivances. We live on earth baby, and there's plenty of science fiction happening right here, and when science fiction was once allegory, it was the shit. When it becomes mysticism to influence you to become what it is, instead of a cautionary tale, its propaganda. Sick propaganda.
Give me my Fox Mulder and my Joe Nada, and the rest of the regular Joe Blows who inhabit real sci-fi, and lets be done with these veiled Wagnerian cryptofascist globalist fairytales.
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Alien Resistance spies have stolen a copy of the new script for Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull, formerly titled "Indiana Jones: Close Encounters of the Third Reich."
We present to you here an extensive synopsis, play-by-play if you will of the entire movie from beginning to end.
We know that the original story by Frank Darabont had nazis, Sallah, and no aliens...but once George Lucas got a hold of it, he added Jones, Jr., aliens, and Area 51. Here it is:
Our story begins at the university where Indiana Jones teaches. There are plenty of in-jokes and references to girls writing on their eyelids, the old Denholm Elliot who's dead, Indy's nicknacks in his office, continuously reminding us, "hey this IS an Indiana Jones movie."
Indy's life has become boring, and he parouses old books on the Holy Grail, the Ark of the Covenant, and Shankara Stones, while trying to locate a book in the library, which turns into a series of gaffs and silly jokes about how one can have an adventure in a university library, with ridiculous look-alikes of Nazis from the first film.
Okay, so he runs into "Mutt" who is really Jones, Jr. Shia Labeouf. This kid is in the library looking for every book written by Abner Ravenwood. Most of which are in archives not for public viewing. Dr.Jones approaches him and is insulted by Labeouf who says that stuffy old college professors know nothing of the experience of the real world, and that they spend too much time dreaming while reading dusty old books. Before Indy has anything to say about it, winking to the camera, Labeouf spots Abner Ravenwood's "Temple of the Crystal Skull" treatise, and grabs it, and runs out the door, gets on his motorcycle and speeds off. The librarian gives Indy a stern look, and Indy's off to retrieve this priceless artifact.
He follows him to a coffee shop, and for the first time we see an American town in an Indiana Jones film. Shia is kicking back reading the book, and 50's rock and roll music is heard in the background...noticeably, a theme from American Graffitti. This will not be the last time. As Indy drives past, we see his truck has the license plate THX 1138. Shia sees him, gets up and goes inside the coffee shop. A peculiar beatnik girl follows him, and Indy watches, unnoticed. Shia is followed all the way to the back door, when two trenchcoat men grab him and hand the book to the beatnik girl, who now has pulled out a very large pistol. They throw Shia in the back of their car and drive off, and Indy follows.
They arrive at a warehouse, and drive inside. Indy parks just outside on the street. He then notices two men in fedoras parked just on the other side. They see him, and get out and move towards him. Indy opens the glove-box and pulls out his trust pistol which just happens to be in there, but before he can lean back and see if its loaded, "FBI, step out of the car please."
The agents inform Dr. Jones that Soviet spies are inside the warehouse, Indy tells them he's from the University and they've stolen University property. Just then, the car the soviet agents were driving comes flying out of the warehouse, guns ablazing. Shia is gagged in the back of the car. The two FBI agents are crushed and Indy must persue them. They enter a populated part of town, where it would seem American Graffitti has been recreated with cruisers, greasers and boppers galore, getting in the way of the chase. More ridiculous jokes are to be had, until they get to an airport. Indy manages to latch himself to the soviet spies' plane as it takes off, they still have Shia tied up. He makes his way into the luggage compartment, and the plane heads for Peru. Indy pulls some cables and the luggage goes flying out, the soviets notice something's up and start shooting the floor of the plane, one guy hits something important, and Indy fires a shot which goes through the plane's inside and hits an engine. There goes the plane! Into the ocean.
The plane crashes into the ocean, and Indy, the beatnick girl and Shia Labeouf survive, and soon enough they are surrounded by sharks. Richard Dreyfuss arrives in a boat to save the day, with some cheesy dialogue about the 'Jaws of Doom' or something or other. The three troublemakers, make it to the coast, and meet up with more trenchcoat men, the beatnick girl runs away, and Indy and Shia are taken into a hotel by the gruff men in fedoras. They get inside and there they meet Marion Ravenwood, who has made some deal with the government to find her father, Abner who is suspected of working with the Russians.
A worthless and unfunny exchange occurs between Marion, Indy, and Shia Labeouf, who we find out is Marion's son. There information is conveyed about the Crystal Skull, and the Lost Temple in which it is supposedly hidden. I'll skip ahead to more exciting moments, they make their way into the jungle based on information in the book, which tells of the Kingdom of the Skull. They find that russians have been slashing and burning the jungles to get to this lost city. We never actually discover why the hell communists are interested in lost religious idols and supernatural hocus pocus, but because George Lucas didn't want Nazis to be badguys this time around, essentially what we have is low-grade B-movie nonsense.
So they find the Temple, go inside, and discover it has something to do with aliens, and after a series of boobytraps, bad jokes and loud John Williams music Indy finds Abner, Aliens who have Speak N' Spells that are rigged to their strange Mayan technology fitted inside a pyramid. Shia offers them Reese's Pieces and they only respond that they want to talk to Richard Dreyfuss, the shark guy.
Needless to say, the movie is so packed with idiotic references to old Spielberg and George Lucas films that either remind you that its being made by these two jerks, or there's the bad jokes that keep telling you "remember this IS an Indiana Jones film!"
Hey, here's a tidbit about George Lucas' Negative Energy.
UndergroundOnline has the interview:
"UGO: Are you looking forward to reuniting with your co-stars?
MARC: Very much so. I think one of the things we assume when we see people on television is somewhat like what we think when we see our parents: that they are complete, whole, and unchanging, now and forever. We were younger in those days, and for us all to be able to get together and continue the life in this new chapter would be good for all of us."
According to Ken Johnson's site, his new V Novel will be released next week, February 5th.
"It is being published in hardcover
by Tor Books, which has finally
reached contractual agreement
with Warners. Though the
annoying delay was not Kenny's
fault, he apologizes for the wait.
He hopes his many friends who
have eagerly looked forward to
the novel will enjoy it."
Thursday, January 17, 2008
"Riding on the track Campbell laid down will get you a cheesy story about the most specialest guy in the universe, who saves everybody with a little help from his companions and who gains a wonderful spiritual "boon" that enriches everybody along the way. Save it for high fantasy. We'd rather have a variety of messy stories in our science fiction."
Yes, AlienResistanceNews hates George Lucas and the Bantha he rode in on. I suppose because we love the classical B-movies, and the rich-in-subtext alien invasion stories, because as outlandish as they all are: they are grounded here on earth.
You may argue that Lucas and his Star Wars filth is all about American politics, but I think its just meant to appear that way.
Saturday, January 5, 2008
'Indiana Jones' creator George Lucas is dreading the character's return to the silver screen - because he is convinced everyone is going to hate the new movie.
...However, Lucas fears the movie could be a major box office disappointment as he believes reviewers won't give it a fair chance - because fans of the original trilogy are already upset at the decision to make a fourth installment.
He says: "I know the critics are going to hate it. So there's nothing we can do about that. They hate the idea of making another one. They've already made up their minds.
"The fans are all upset. They're always going to be upset - 'Why did he do it like this?' So you just have to stand by for the bricks and custard pies."
Alright GEORGE, first of all, you're an idiot for saying any of this to the public, second of all, it isn't because its 'another sequel,' or because its not 'what we want,' its because its another 'Lucas' crappy sequel, and we've been burned before. Also, its because its everything we DON'T want. It is because it doesn't make sense... Aliens man? In INDIANA JONES? What the hell is that? A perfectly good script by award-winner Frank Darabont scrapped, because YOU want russians instead of Nazis, and an Indiana Jones KID?
This is crap that is usual fare for the muck you've been churning out Georgie...we've seen it all before. I'm just surprised Indy,Jr. isn't a 12 year old who says crappy lines like "this is tense."
Its because we KNOW its going to suck, not because we've already decided that. Its because we've seen what can happen when you try to change and fix what wasn't broken, like a Darabont script, or old movies you made with new CGI.
Its because you can't stop fucking with shit, and making it worse. Its because you suck. Its because you've destroyed so much that we loved, and because you keep whining about it. You said this about Phantom Menace, you said this about Revenge of the Sith...first you say they're kids movies, then you say, no, "Revenge" is not a kids movie. First you say Indiana Jones is fun-action fare, now you say, 'Indiana Jones were never action films.' Bullshit. We know this means that you didn't put a lot of action in the new one. So what? But is the rest of it cool? Not likely when you put aliens and giant tree-cutting tanks, and Russians.
It sounds like crap because it sounds like crap, and if you can't figure out why, its because you never must have known what you were doing in the first place, or because the formula you made, is not the one we know...nazis, not commies, artifacts, not aliens, Indiana Jones, not sidekicks is what WE know, and we know now, your formula is about making as much money as possible no matter how crappy this makes the movie.
I haven't so much as DECIDED its crap, I'll say it looks like crap, but I'm not going to pay to see it jack, and that's that.
Thursday, January 3, 2008
Yes, I hate George Lucas, more than I hate the Star Trek Saga, or E.T.
I loved Star Wars when I was a kid, along with Indiana Jones and almost anything George Lucas did. THX 1138, is a personal favorite, until it also was re-envisioned with new CGI crap.
George Lucas is the enemy of cinema. As much an enemy to cinema as aliens are to Mike Donovan.
George Lucas is an alien within the world of cinema, and his disruption of it began with Star Wars.
The "blockbuster" wasn't invented by Lucas, this term dates back to the movies when George Lucas was still picking his nose in Modesto, California.
George Lucas invaded the realm of science fiction, after tricking us with his THX-1138 faux-orwellian dystopia. We bought it, we thought, 'hey, this guy's got something to say, let's let him in here.' We were all wrong. George Lucas came to destroy science fiction, and movies.
He co-opted the 'special effects' industry, called it his own, and turned it into a factory of spectacular crap. Sure, the special effects in Star Wars were groundbreaking, but not because of George Lucas at all. He takes the credit, buys the companies after he uses them, but he is in no way responsible for the creativity within them. Ralph McqUarrie created 'Boba Fett,' and everything we see visually as Star Wars. This fact may interfere with the mythology he has created around himself--that he's some cinematic genius, or the next Frank Herbert or J.R.R. Tolkien, but this is the biggest load of crap. George Lucas nothing but a fairly clever narcissistic thief.
I won't stand for it. I don't care what this turd produces. Its tainted, and its stolen, and it isn't even seductive any more.
I don't care how bad people say "THEY LIVE" or "V" or "EARTH FINAL CONFLICT" is.
I don't care if the effects aren't as good as Star Wars. These films have a heart of gold, and even though Earth Final Conflict turned to shit after the second season, the original first two seasons are still better than anything George Lucas could have ever crapped out of Skywalker Ranch. They have meaning, and they have something to say. Something beyond a formula of mystical crap, a formula cast stolen from Japanese films, and regurgitation of science fiction sagas into one cram packed fast-edited mindnumbing spectacle of sewage.
THEY LIVE is true science fiction. V is both science fiction and social commentary. Earth Final Conflict is very much like V, and Buckaroo Banzai is more than a flashy 80s new-wave B-movie with some silly twists. They all have something deeper to say, that is much more interesting than sci-fi-ized new-age philosophies and total plagiarism of Akira Kurosawa movies.
Perhaps these alien invasion films, and TV shows, including the X-Files are all very similar, and not exactly totally new, the originality in them shines in each individual show, and the creators are clearly trying to do something important. Their dreams for these films are more than selling action figures and T-shirts.
They Live had virtually no merchandise, if any at all. You'd be hard pressed to find V mechandise beyond a clever Lizard-Face doll, and some spin off novels. Earth Final Conflict? Not so much as an action figure. Buckaroo Banzai would appear to be made to sell dolls...there was a comic book, and that is as far as they went.
These 'Hollywood' sci-fi B shows weren't made to sell toys and create a vast empire of money-making schemes spun from a pilot-movie project. STAR WARS and LUCASFILM was.
In several documentaries and biographies of Lucas, it is told that he was busy trying to get merchandizing, toy, and comic book deals before he had even filmed ONE SINGLE FRAME of Star Wars.
Star Wars wasn't some independant film, or dream of some visionary, it was intended to be nothing but a multimillion dollar merchandizing franchise, and anybody who believes differently is a sad stupid easy mark...a victim.
"...you're not the only one to wake up out of their dream."
From this Dark Horizon's article, it seems SALLAH was in it originally, along with nazis, no junior indiana jones kid, no aliens, and no other retarded crap. All in favor of a younger cast and presumably 'audience.' Screw this bastard. I have had it to here with Lucas and his crap, from Star Wars the prequel-crap, to the revisions of the old Star Wars, and everything else. I am going to boycott this film. Oh, I will see it, but in the tradition of the old anti-phantom-menace activists, who are heroes in my book, I will pay for a ticket to a competing film, and go check this crap-fest out, and write about all the alien stupidity that takes place in it. I RESIST Lucasfilm, and its evil incarnations, Indy 4, after all I've seen, is no exception. I had hoped for the best, but it is simply more fuel for my disgust with George Lucas and his stupidity.
From DARK HORIZONS.COM:
From the little information he had about the film he had been told through a third party that the character of Salah had been written out of Indy 4 in favour of a younger cast."
Damn, that just...well sucks. Davies, better known as Gimli from "The Lord of the Rings" trilogy, played the lovable rascal Sallah in both the original "Raiders of the Lost Ark" and the second sequel "Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade."
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
Bruce Harwood...Dean Haglund...Tom Braidwood
BACK FROM THE DEAD? To return to their roles in a PARODY/SATIRE of the Original LONE GUNMEN Television series...
Yes...it is true. It is not a rumor.
Dean Haglund is preparing to make the film, "BACK FROM THE DEAD," and return the original actors to a humorous throwback to the three characters who made the LONE GUNMEN famous.
Set to be financed and produced in 2008, Haglund discussed the plans on his Podcast show, "From the Heart of Hollywood."
Is this awesome news or what?
I say screw INDIANA JONES. Yes, the new Indiana Jones, and George Lucas.
Lucas tells Vanity Fair:
"Besides possibly giving Indy more of a family, the movie also gives our hero more supernatural material than ever before. "Indiana Jones [movies] aren't action movies," Lucas tells the mag. "They're primarily mysteries with a supernatural object. So it's kind of like 'X-Files.' 'X-Files' came out of this idea — instead of taking archaeological objects, they took Bigfoot and aliens and psychological mythology instead of the physical — but it amounts to the same thing."
No, you asshole, the X-Files DIDN'T come from your ideas, not from Indiana Jones, or Star Wars, or anything your juvenile feeble and uncreative mind could ever possibly comprehend.
Indiana Jones movies ARE action movies, and if you try to turn them into the X-Files, you're insane, the X-FILES Sequel is coming out this summer, and I'll see it ten times just to piss you off you bastard.
I hope when you rip off scenes from X-Files (as is traditional for Lucas to literally lift scenes, props, and characters from other science fiction films), Chris Carter sues your worthless ass for enough money to make 20 more X-Files movies, which will most likely be better than your Star Wars crap, and Indiana Jones sequels.
And there could be more overlap than ever before — especially when it comes to those pesky aliens. Combining the movie's time frame (1957) with one of the flick's shooting locations (New Mexico) seems to indicate an Area 51 theme.
"It's important for us that there's a real supernatural mystery going on," Lucas said. "Only Indiana Jones movies are supernatural-mystery movies. They're always going after some supernatural object. It's not a pretend object. It's not something that we made up. It's something that actually exists, or people believe exists — whether it does or not is in dispute. But for every person who says, 'I don't believe that,' there's another person who says, 'Well, I believe it. I heard about it, and I saw it and there's stories.' "Well, yes, it WAS about this, until the Crystal Skulls, or should we go back to the Temple of Doom, the most adolescent view of Hinduism ever conceived. If Lucas thinks his films are based in any sort of reality, he is further deluded. Yes, Lucas you "made up" that crap with the Shankara Stones, and completely misunderstood the foundational basis for the crap you wrote. You're a bad filmmaker, and you're a thief. And by the way, aliens are not fitting for an Indiana Jones movie, in any way, shape or form, and I guarantee you that no Indiana Jones fan wants to see aliens at the end of the Temple of the Crystal Skulls. I believe I am going to pull a 'Phantom Menace' on this movie, and do what the star-wars-purists did in protest, and buy a ticket for another film coming out at the same time, and check out this pile of dung so I can rail on it here on my blog.
I am so sick of George Lucas and his lies, ENOUGH!
Get your TIVOs ready, STRANGE INVADERS is airing on IFC channel, January 7th! Click on the links for more info!